After my wedding, one of the readers wrote to me and asked me how to find a nice guy. She told me that dating sites are unreliable. She does not want to marry a stranger through an arranged marriage. Also, given how confused our generation is, it is all the more difficult.
How on earth are we supposed to find a good man?
I do not know how to answer her question. I may have found a nice guy but I really put in no effort in finding him! We are family friends and the idea was initiated by our families. I just got lucky…
All I can tell you (again from my own experience), is that nice guys come from nice families.
Last week, my husband and I went to my mother-in-law’s house late in the afternoon. She asked me what we had for lunch. I told her I got up late and didn’t cook anything. There was only one look in her eye – concern. She immediately went to the kitchen and started frying papad and heating rice. “You must be so hungry”. She kept saying. She could have judged me for getting up late. She could have judged me for not cooking. But she did not. She just got up to make something I like.
Before our marriage, she had told my husband to remove his stuff from the bedroom, and let me put my stuff first. She had told him that women have more things so I should get to arrange the room my way. My husband obediently removed ALL his stuff!!! When I had entered the house, the room was brand new and empty!! (He was hoping once I put my stuff he will get back half / one-fourth of the cupboard but of course that never happened! I took over completely)! She had also asked him to buy a side table so that I could put my glasses / etc there at night.
All she wanted was that the woman her son had married should be comfortable…
The day we were coming back from our honeymoon, my husband had called my mother-in-law prior to boarding the flight. I heard him say, “Are Maa, don’t worry. She has tea with milk in the morning.”
“What happened”, I asked once he disconnected.
“Mummy is worried that there is no green tea in the house. How will you manage once you come back. I told her morning you have tea with milk and sugar. Evening we will buy.”
“Haan. First tea is regular. Rest of the day I avoid milk and sugar. Tell her not to worry.” I told him and smiled.
The next day, my sister-in-law who was unwell went to the market to buy green tea and placed it in my apartment.
She was sick. She needed rest much more than I needed the green tea! But she still took the effort…
It was her priority to make sure that the woman her brother married was comfortable…
The two ladies also make sure they tell my husband to be sensitive and accommodating towards me. I got a nice guy because the people who have raised him have raised him right.
We often blame men for not being good to their wives. But how many women tell their son / brother that he should take care of his wife?
What if BOTH were asked to adjust?
Behind a nice guy, there is a nice woman – a nice mother and a nice sister who tell him how to treat his wife.
Image source: My wedding album!
Edited the post to incorporate the comment on the article by Ms. Sudha Nikhil Mehta on my Facebook page:
“Though rare if ever you find such family and in laws you must thank God, thank your good karma, and most of all reciprocate that love in multifolds. Lets try to be the womens in the story n bring about that change.”