Hrithik Roshan recently tweeted his response to the controversy with Kangana. You could read it here.
It was so well-written. It is difficult to find anything wrong with it. It was so dignified, graceful and respectful.
I do not know Hrithik or Kangana personally so it would be stupid of me to say who is right or wrong in this. I also do not plan to be Sherlock Holmes and refute each and every statement made by Hrithik with evidence available on the public domain, like KRK did recently against Kangana.
Had I seen Kangana’s interview on ‘Aap ki Adalat’ or read this tweet of Hrithik’s few years back, my views would have been very different. I had not met so many people in life. I had not seen as much as I have seen now. I was far behind in the dating scene myself and had had far less interactions with the opposite gender.
I request you to read the following keeping Hrithik Kangana aside. It is NOT a reflection on them. I will come back to them.
When I was growing up, I thought that men do not hide relationships. Women do. Men are considered studs when they are with multiple women. They take pride in it. It boosts their ego. However, women are called names for doing the same. Women are also expected to be more careful, because they have so much more at stake in relationships, physically and emotionally.
At the risk of generalizing, men sometimes get into relationships with women they have no intention of marrying. Women more often than not get attached in relationships. These relationships have to end because one person had no intention of anything ‘serious’ and he knew this from the beginning. How do such relationships end? Is it possible to end it amicably? Or would it leave one person bitter, usually the one dumped?
I have seen that men are also very particular about their reputation. They would not want their mothers, parents, sisters etc. to know that they are “sleeping around”. They can be quite secretive when it comes to the girls they are dating, who they are not serious about. They would lie. They would deny. Are they trying to protect the woman? Are they trying to protect themselves? Nobody wants to be the bad guy who hurt and betrayed a woman!
Ending a relationship involves a lot of drama. You have to deal with someone’s emotions, allegations, take the blame, guilt. Denying the relationship on the other hand is very convenient. Defenses such as ‘I never promised to marry you, I never lied” are strategically applied. “Ghosting” is a term very commonly used in the western dating cultures where a person ends a personal relationship with someone abruptly, without offering any explanation and withdrawing all forms of communication.
Men fall in love with their eyes. Women fall in love with ears. Such a cliché! Yes. Some men know how to say all the right things.
I have met men who consider themselves very “ethical”. They claim they have immense “respect for women”.
What he says:
A married man with a child told me that he has had multiple affairs. He said there is nothing wrong with it, as he treats his wife very well. He has never bitched about her to other women. He never projects that he is in an unhappy marriage and therefore needs support. He is honest that he wants to have a good time, and if the woman “consents” then why not! I asked him if it is okay if his wife does the same. He said sure, he is liberal.
He does not tell women with whom he has had extra marital affairs that he is married! His wife has no idea what he does! When she does not know, where is the question of being okay with it, or doing the same herself!
What he says:
Another guy who is a player dates a lot of women. He says that he treats the women very nicely, and has never done anything without their “consent”. He said that he would love to be friends with them even after things end. But it is women who are complicated and don’t like to stay in touch with their exes.
He starts dating other women while he is still with someone! By the time the woman realizes this, she is already an ex, without a choice! He tells her that he could still be friends, if she would stop behaving like a needy psycho! How generous of him!
Psycho, clingy, crazy, needy are terms used for women who are attached to a man who no longer wants to be with them. The guys in the above example consider themselves good and respectful of women because of one reason: They have never violated a woman’s consent. In a country where rape and domestic violence is so high, it is a virtue when a man does not force himself upon a woman, or abuses her.
But if you ask the women they have been with, would they also say they are “good”?
Average, middle-class, single, non-celebrity men try to protect their reputation. Those with money, power, access to the best lawyers, wife, ex-wife, children can go to even greater extents.
Words can be beautiful. But the actions have to match the words. I would like to say this to all the women who are dating – Do not just fall for the words. See that the actions should match up as well.
Now coming back to Hrithik Roshan, where is the “dignified silence”?
- Making a statement, “Ther r more chances of me having had an affair with d Pope dan any of d (Im sure wonderful women d media hs ben naming. Thanks but no thanks!”
- Sending a legal notice to Kangana for calling him a “silly ex”!
- Making a statement that “She suffers from Asperger’s Syndrome!” Was she in love with an imposter, or did she imagine it because she is mentally ill? Pick one!!
- Revealing personal emails?
Does Hrithik have the right to do the above in his defense? Sure. But how is doing the above “silence” or “dignified” as he claims? I also have some other questions:
- Kangana works with many people (and we know movie starts shoot 24’7), producers, directors, co-stars, teams. Nobody could ever figure out all this while that she is so crazy?
- Wouldn’t a sensible person block unsolicited emails or would wait for the spammer to send 3000 emails?
- An actress who has received three national awards would do something like this for publicity?
I am not supporting Kangana because she is a woman. I do not support having an affair with a married man either. I support her because what she has been saying makes sense to me. I like her brutal honesty and lack of tact. People who oppose her from the industry have little credibility. Like a certain older man whose son has been responsible for a young woman’s alleged suicide and whose wife supports her cheating husband, and even worse son unconditionally. Or another young man and his father who allege that she is a “witch” and performs black magic!!
Hrithik’s tweets were beautiful. Politically correct. Kangana’s words;
“Mere birthday party pe floor par lot lot kar kyun naachta tha woh?”
Such words cannot be planned, rehearsed and made up!!!